5 Reasons Why I’ll Never be a Popular Beauty YouTuber…

…including in Malaysia!

 

I was due for one of these satirical posts… So enjoy!

Fair warning, this one in particular is more honest than it is comical.

Here are 5 reasons I’d never be a popular beauty YouTuber.

 

5. I’ll never have a posting schedule

Look it up, on my channel;

1st video; 3rd Sept 2015

2nd video; 14th Sept 2015

3rd video; 27th April 2016

4th video; 19th July 2016

5th video; 4th May 2017

6th video; 21st June 2017

7th video; 10th August 2017

I am the epitome of a bad YouTuber.

4. I will NEVER film makeup “TUTORIALS”

Think of any conceivable makeup look and I assure you, there’s already a tutorial for it on YouTube.

If there isn’t then you have gone way out of the box and perhaps you should film it and upload it yourself? Even if you did, how many views do you think something that out of the box would get?

The video of my Indian dance makeup does NOT claim to be a tutorial.

Here’s the bottom line, I believe, another makeup tutorial is NOT what YouTube needs.

Then again, people always seem to relentlessly request it. WHY???? Does anyone actually end up wearing those looks regularly??? Who has that kind of time????

There are over 250 THOUSAND results on YouTube for makeup tutorials posted just THIS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ok calm down Harivain, you’re not roasting anyone here*

Oh well, I guess I’d never be popular because I am dissing these “tutorials”.

3. I will never act goofy or make self depreciating jokes because it makes me seem “relatable”

I will never put myself in a video and make mistakes that I intentionally leave in or act silly just to seem relatable.

If I am teaching you something on YouTube or reviewing a product, you need visuals with a little bit of instructions. EVERYTHING else is filler. If I want to be goofy and/or stupid I’d just start a comedy or a dramedy (portmanteau of drama and comedy) channel.

The self depreciating jokes is another thing I don’t get. Most of these beauty YouTubers seem to tell their audience to, be strong, believe in yourself, you do you and then they turn around and make themselves seem dumb. And people think that’s funny? I’m sorry, unless it’s intentionally comedic, I see no place for it in my videos! When I say a video of mine is basic AF, it is basic AF. Fact, not humour.

Sorry guys, I guess I am not YouTube “material”.

2. I’ll RARELY talk on camera

I did want to film review videos and post them on YouTube but you’d never hear me speak to the camera. My reviews would not be more than 3 minutes long. It will be a lot like the reviews on my blog. A short description and then right on to the pros and cons.

I’d stick to good old voice overs.

Somehow, people are interested in beauty YouTuber reviews where the actual review is perhaps 2 minutes long and the rest of the video is just them applying makeup and going about their day. Honestly, I am ANNOYED!

On that note, I hate GRWM videos.

*ok, again, calm down Harivain, you’re not roasting anyone here, so calm the eff down*

I guess that would make me less than desirable for YouTube???? Too bad…

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1. I am a guy

Yes, in this day and age, it is Neanderthal to think that men cannot or should not do or wear makeup. I CONCUR!

Here’s my gripe with it. THERE ARE TOO MANY OF US NOW ON YOUTUBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick Starrr, Manny Mua, James Charles, makeupbymichaelfinch, Mac_Daddyy and the list effing goes ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other problem with it is a situation unique to me. This is real; I don’t think I’d be able to get away with doing what Patrick Star or Manny does on YouTube here in Malaysia. It’s not that it is sad, it is just the best way to get labeled like *finger snap sound effect* that.

Somehow, the society I live in seem to be perplexed by the label “male beauty blogger”. The next label would be sexuality and the next would be gender identity, none of which is relevant to makeup nor is it to me! Doing what these male beauty gurus do would inevitably get me dumped into a category. That would be tragic wouldn’t it, considering I’ve roasted these “people” on my blog before!

Besides, if I don’t have makeup on, I look like the most typical, nondescript guy you may ever see. Which is also perhaps the reason why I get stared at while perusing the makeup aisles at drugstores and Sephora. I get so annoyed that, these days, if I don’t have makeup and an “acceptable” outfit on, I don’t walk into Sephora. The stares and being followed around by beauty assistants are just not worth it. Doing NO BUY 2017 has helped me at least stay away from Sephora.

And of course I can do what they all (male beauty gurus) do! Me and at least a couple thousand men out there….

For me, this is EASY!!!!!! Nothing groundbreaking. Nothing to ride home about.

 

Well, hope you guys enjoyed this.

Thanks for reading!

Lots of love,

Harivain.

All that being said, SUBSCRIBE TO ME ON YOUTUBE!

https://www.youtube.com/user/Hdaran/

Hahaha!*winks*

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these GIFs. They were either taken from https://giphy.com/ or generated with it. The first one was created using the video from the YouTube channel, Clevver Style and on a show called Beauty Break. I love those women on the show!

Link to the video; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9k1sQDoIIw

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5 Things About Makeup I DON’T Like, That Most People Do!

Watching YouTube videos, after YouTube videos, you’re almost conditioned into liking trends, products and techniques. We can all agree blindly hopping onto a bandwagon just because a YouTuber told us to, is not something we want to do, although we may appreciate the opinion of some. Beauty YouTubers get my eyes rolling, A LOT! I, in fact, have roasted beauty YouTubers in the past (go ahead, read it here and here, laugh).

But YouTube isn’t the demon here. I love YouTube. I love watching makeup videos, I love people caking on foundation and concealers on their face. Watching makeup being blended out with a makeup sponge is my visual therapy. It steadies my heart rate and brings down my stress levels. NO KIDDING!

I digress, anyway, there are certain, universally loved things/trends/products in makeup that make me go……..

Image from Giphy.com

All of these are norms by this point in the beauty industry and…… ummmmm……, you know what, just come along and I’ll explain.

 

These are in no particular order.

 

1. Highlighter

Yes, I DON’T LIKE HIGHLIGHTERS!

No, I am not specifically talking about the blinding trend on YouTube and Instagram these days.

NO, I don’t even like highlighting concealers!!!!

I especially hate it when MUAs go three or four shades lighter to conceal the under-eye area and to highlight! It works on lighter skin tones. On darker skin tone it looks FAKE! I prefer an even skin tone and I try to match the under-eye concealer or go, AT MOST, half a shade lighter. I find that on deeper skin tones, the eyes pop a little more when the under-eyes are not so overtly highlighted.

Alas, when doing stage makeup I can’t step away from it.

So it goes without saying that I also don’t care for shimmery highlighters. I have 2 highlighters both of which I didn’t purchase myself. Everything else is part of a palette in which I actually wanted the other shades in it instead of the highlighter.

I DON’T LIKE HIGHLIGHTERS!!!!!!!

 

2. Holographic anything

Anyone else get a headache with all these holographic packaging and highlighters!

Just me then.

ERGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

NO, I AM NOT KIDDING! This isn’t even the cynical me talking. This is not even satire!

I actually, PHYSICALLY get a headache!!!! It even makes me a little anxious!

NO!!!!!

PASS!!!!

 

3. The phrase “Holy Grail”

If you have one for 10 years, that’s a holy grail.

If it changes every year, please STFU!!!!!!!!!

“HOLY GRAIL” MY FOOT!!!!!!!!!!!

I find it so cliche. Everytime someone says this is my holy grail, it means they discount all possible products available in the market and no ONE person could have had used it all!

I have tried using the phrase and in my head I go, “YOU SOUND STUPID!”

 

4. Waterproof mascara

I know some of you are going……..

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Part of why you don’t really see me reviewing waterproof mascaras, not ones that are hard to remove anyway, is because I don’t like them!!!

If I am using mascara, not a single drop of tear is coming out of my eyeballs nor is sweat coming ANYWHERE close to them!

I don’t cry at weddings because you don’t when you attend Indian weddings. You just laugh and the rest of the time get stressed trying to answer relatives asking about your marriage status (that’s a whole other conversation!!!).

I don’t wear makeup if I know I am going to sweat. ONLY exception being stage makeup! And even then, my waterproof mascaras are ones that come off with just water.

I DON’T LIKE WATERPROOF MASCARAS!

 

5. Online makeup shopping

This fittingly makes me the cavemen of the 21st century.

I have, of course, shopped online before, but every time I did (which you can count with both hands), I get a tiny panic attack after payment! WILL I be the victim of the dreaded product shattered and broken nightmare??!!!!

I have even said this on my blog. I don’t like online shopping and will only condone it when there are no other options! I want to touch, feel, swatch, hold, caress, look, compare, purchase and carry it out of the shop, safely in my hands!!!

If you really are concerned for me, then imagine me doing this.

Image from Tumblr.

NO, not the laughing face, the bitch face!

 

I hope you enjoyed reading!

Let’s Bash Some PR Morons!

I may lose some valuable future PR packages/interactions/money but hey, I gotta do this! I WANT to do this!

I am a beauty blogger in Southeast Asia, Malaysia, a country where beauty influencers aren’t as saturated as it would be in a purchasing powerhouse like the USA. There are also people here that do not even understand the concept of a beauty blog; educated people!

To the best of my knowledge, I am the only male beauty blogger in Malaysia whose blog is predominantly makeup related. So, this small, almost inconspicuous corner on the Internet amounting to this minuscule little blog called FiercePaint, does, surprisingly, get more than its fair share of attention from company PR representatives.

You see, when companies are professional and contact me to offer free products, cash in exchange for a review or something to that likeness, they are zealously welcomed!!! It is when these PR personnel, go above and beyond to do their job that simply pisses me off! Oh the sneaky underhanded maneuvers these blood sucking demonic spawn representatives employ to share in on the little views I get- if only retribution was instant gratification!

(Granted, some people do not put in as much effort as some of us do but get, unduly, more views and followers. YES! I have deliberately digressed to roast “bloggers”. Quotation marked to allow your very own personalised interpretation of these words. Life isn’t fair; I have come to terms with that! That does not mean I have to shut up about it! *eyebrow raise* If you felt heat from this paragraph, well……………)

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Dubious methods some company PR personnel employ, don’t just annoy me, it flat out makes me angry!!! If a company condones such devious techniques then I am going to dissociate myself from them whether or not stakeholders are in the know of such asinine decisions.

 

It has happened before.

And I speak with evidence!

Please spare a few moments to read and examine attached text below.

dumbprcomment

Outsource getting more followers? I don’t even get help to take pictures! Everything is self taught!

Even then, this is much less offensive compared to the next one only because this person, or company, or whatever else this particular account represents, has directed it to me.

On to Exhibit B.

Ladies, gentlemen, and every other gender option!

BEHOLD. IDIOCY EPITOMISED!

anotherdumbpr

You’re not even speaking to me anymore! You are speaking to my readers!!! What am I then? The sideshow freak that no one stops to look at because I’m not weird enough?

Let me also disclose the fact that this is a VERY well reputed company not just in Malaysia but several other countries in ASIA! YES! Safe to say that I HAVE NOT worked with them and WILL NEVER!

Now, I direct this to the person who sat down behind the computer and did this;

Dear homo sapien with the capacity of decision making lower than that of an amoeba,

If you are reading this,

YOU ARE IRREVOCABLY and IRREDEEMABLY DIM-WITTED if you had even the tiniest inkling of hope that this was going to be welcomed!!!

Anyway my rage has fueled but only a post because comments get moderated and there’s this wonderful option called delete and trash!

OR ELSE……………

*cue jaws music*